Estimated Reading Time: 6 Minutes
Do you find that people are not eager to talk to you?
Do you feel that you must tell someone every idea you have as soon as it pops into your mind even if it has nothing to do with the current conversation? Do you find yourself rambling at the end of a conversation and trying to think of anything else you forgot to say? Do you find that people shy away from having a conversation with you? When you ask to talk with someone, does it feel like they are avoiding you?
Many times, the fear of only getting one chance to talk with someone is buried so deep that we do not feel it as fear. All we see are the effects of the fear. When we talk with someone, we ramble aimlessly after the conversation is obviously over. When we do this, the person we are talking with grows impatient. That leads to them not fully paying attention and having less of a desire to have a conversation with us in the future.
When this happens, there are many excuses we make. We say we do not want to look like a liar by missing something. We say we want to make sure we give someone a complete picture. We say we just like to talk. Until we realize, admit to, and overcome the fear demon of not talking with someone again, we are doomed to repeat our actions and continue to have an ineffective level of communication. To overcome that fear, I invite you to take the perspective going into an interaction that this is only one of many times you will be talking with a person. Before having a conversation with a person, say to yourself, “This is the next in a long line of conversations I will have with this person.”
How this applies to authentic empathy…
When it comes to authentic empathy and the fear of only getting one chance to talk with someone once, when someone rambles on and on while talking with you, I invite you to have authentic empathy for that person. I invite you to approach them with the belief that they have a fear, deep inside of them that they do not yet understand. If you have a challenge of rambling on when talking with people, I invite you to have authentic empathy for the person you are talking with. I invite you to believe that they are uncomfortable with the extra time you need to talk about a topic and may react in a way that is less than desirable. I invite you to use this authentic empathy and belief to overcome your fear and realize that they will want to talk with you more if your conversations are more focused.
How this applies to WACASHWI…
When it comes to WACASHWI and the fear of only getting one chance to interact with someone once, until you mitigate this fear, it will crop up when you are trying to get help with items on your list. This will lead to less effective conversations and driving people away that can help you. Once you do the daily invitations below, you will have a better understanding of how much this fear impacts you. If you find that this fear has a significant impact on you, I invite you to consider adding a task to overcome this fear demon early in the process. Once you beat this fear demon, you will have more effective conversations and a greater level of connection with the people in your life.
Your daily invitations…
- I invite you to think about three people you communicate with on a regular basis.
- I invite you to consider the fact that you may be rambling or providing them too much extraneous information when you interact with them.
- I invite you to write down your thoughts, feelings, and actions in your journal.
- I invite you to talk with the people you thought about above to verify if your considerations were correct and decide what, if anything, you can do to make your interactions more effective.
Final step – how will you implement one thing you learned today in your life?